Secrets

Most importantly, everyone should know that today my mom had an awesome day. She spent her morning and afternoon as though she were a "regular" summer vacation victim: enjoying the day, snacking on fresh fruit and strolling a few laps up and down the street. And it was an honest relief to see her shuffling around the house, picking up after us. Although we do know that this surge of normalcy is only temporary (as far as the summer is concerned), it's still refreshing.

Now, not to be a Debby Downer but to be completely, fully and brutally honest, seeing mom on good days (like today) has tarnished some of my fears. While I want to paint a very POSITIVE picture about our experience with Cancer, I also want to let it all hang out. I want to be absolutely truthful. You know, like when people ask if I dye my hair platinum blonde or if it is natural?! I want to scream, "HELLO PEOPLE, LOOK AT THESE ROOTS!!! OF COURSE IT IS FAKE!" Yeah, I want to be THAT honest.

So here it goes. My personal diatribe about how scary Cancer can be; almost as scary as my not so blonde roots like to grow in. Have you ever been sucker punched? Right in the gut? Well, I hope not. But finding out my mom, my very YOUNG, HEALTHY mom was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer, a Cancer with a 30% survival rate was just like being sucker punched by Mr.T.

My dad told me. It was the first time I have ever seen my dad show any extreme emotion. Here was this strong man, both in stature and emotions, weeping in front of me. And for a brief moment, I felt the world around me stop spinning. I was confused, I was angry and I was upset. What did we do to deserve this? was all I could think. I let my mind wander and started thinking about how awful it would be to have holidays, graduations, weddings and babies without her there. And I couldn't stop crying. I was furious. But with whom?

And after a lot of sleepless nights and random crying fits, I decided that it was time to stop feeling sorry for myself and for my family and put up my dukes, time to start fighting back. I realized fighting, in a figurative sense, was a lot easier when I didn't have tears in my eyes. Here's the thing: Cancer is aggravating. But like most things that agitate, it CAN be fixed with the right kind of help. And that is where I am at now. We have the best doctor in the country. Mom has a positive attitude. We have each other. And we have a faith in God more potent and proliferating than the BP oil spill.

So yah, Cancer is terribly frustrating but it is totally beatable too... so really, there is no longer a purpose to be sad or scared. She is going to beat this. She is going to see every holiday, graduation, wedding and grand baby for the next 60+ years. She WILL BE THERE.